i have realized that i sometimes struggle working in such a collaborative environment. its not because i want to do everything myself or hate working with a group. it's because ultimately, i feel like it comes down to the individual. that when mistakes are made, it is my fault and i should take the blame. that success or failure is mine alone. i know this isn't the truth, at least not always, but on some level it makes sense. it's like the point made back in pearson—we are a team, but at the end of the day we are hired or fired individually.
when i think about this i realize other things about myself, like the fact that i always put my own life first. is that selfish, or just survival? he would say that if you care about people you have to help them, but sometimes i disagree. we are each where we are due largely in part to our own choices, and it is no one's responsibility but our own to deal with the consequences of those choices. i don't expect those close to me to bail me out if i screw up, and i would never ask them to. i don't believe they would either. perhaps it is just my stubborn independence, but i don't believe you owe anyone enough to bail them out of their consequences at the expense of your own happiness and wellbeing.
does this make him a better person than i? probably. but i guess this is what life has taught me, turned me into. and how could i regret that?
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