sometimes i am uncomfortable with where i have come. it feels odd to say that, as though i'm ungrateful for the blessings that have befallen me in the last few years, but that's not really what it is. its just that, this wasn't how it was supposed to go.
i was never someone people looked up to with respect, or feared. i was never someone that everyone wanted to know or befriend. i was never the person who could give someone a boost in the ladder of society. now it seems i've become all of those and i don't really know how it happened.
i mean, i guess i do. i made one choice, which led to someone choosing me, and nothing has been the same since. do i regret making that choice or resent the person who chose me? no. it isn't really that. i suppose at any point i could have said 'i'm done' and turned around, but i didn't.
i have perhaps seen more success than most students on campus, and while i value it, i also question it. was this what i was meant for? is this where i want to be? was i happy before, and would i be happier now if i were that way? i wish i could remember. i never realized how true it was when they said that it was lonely at the top. i guess i never thought i would make it there to find out.
perhaps maybe its best that i never planned for this, and that's why i've come here. i just wonder if i will ever stop feeling so out of place with it.
"It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well." - Albus Dumbledore
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