sometimes, it would seem, you just have to let people go. maybe they're dear to your heart, maybe they're practically family even, but eventually you have to face the fact that there's no point in trying to hold on when it's them that are doing the distancing to begin with.
was that my fault? i don't know. you could place the blame on me, and say that i didn't meet her expectations. i could turn around and place the blame on someone else, and say that it was the hand and the hurt he dealt me that inhibited me from meeting them. but either way, what happened and happened and i was on one level given a second chance but not on another. is it worth it? is it really even a true second chance? in all probability the someone new will walk in and receive the same preconceptions, see the same notes in my file and make the same judgements before even meeting me. perhaps i don't even have a chance to succeed, and i shouldn't have fought for one to begin with. it only increased the distance anyway.
now they are gone, in more ways than one. it saddens me because i had always thought of them as ones that would stay, regardless of geographic location. i guess a lot has changed in the past year. one is now disappointed in me, one is now otherwise occupied, and i find it funny that now the only one i have any real hope in is the one i didn't even really like to begin with. i guess that's how life works sometimes.
whether they really care or not now remains to be seen, and there is nothing i can do about it. why reach out if no one will reach back? why hold on if they won't? i came to this place alone, and maybe they were there for a while, but alone is how i will always go forward. it's inevitable, really. why bother trying to change it?
